I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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