Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
high people should be assigned attendants
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am naked and annoyed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
