Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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