Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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