you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How external is "for external use only"?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
