Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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