I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
