where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
