Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
