In the future we'll all be gay
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
