and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize