I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dignity is for republicans.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
