is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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