I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
