mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
