I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
