Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
