I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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