I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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