are you still at the devil's house?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
