The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
