12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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