I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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