His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
