It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize