Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
