My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's Friday. Sex?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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