K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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