Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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