Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
