i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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