So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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