how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
