I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
