I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You took a bar mat shot.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How does one acquire holy water?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize