she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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