Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
