There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
