Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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