living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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