she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
