Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
