I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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