Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
