I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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