I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
