This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
