just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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