it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
