Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
