he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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