I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
