don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
