you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
