I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
