im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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