You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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