Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
