you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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