The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
