Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
