I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
