The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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