why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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