WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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