Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
