WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
