Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
