You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
