I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
