You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
